did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
