3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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