its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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