I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
