Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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