so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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