why didn't you poke me back
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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