It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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