I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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