dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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