How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
