Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
