I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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