Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
