i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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