yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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