just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
