I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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