FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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