why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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