Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
