I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
