your parents love me but you hate me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
