i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
