There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
