Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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