i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
