I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
