but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
