I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
