Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
