i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
