Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
