No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
