I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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