Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
