i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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