And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
