So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
