Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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