Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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