How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
