I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
