Me. At least after what I've been through.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
