so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
soo... how was my night?
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