This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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