The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
