Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
