I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
