Duck Duck Cougar?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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