Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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