Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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