some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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