**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
