do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
