I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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