I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
