She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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