KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
