I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
