Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
