I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
