Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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