eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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