Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
