No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
