8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
