3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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