I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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