it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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